The second story.
The basement, brilliant people and new words.
“…she (Zina) lived more in the clouds than in the town of Mordasoff” (F. Dostoyevsky, “Uncle’s Dream”)
I was taken to the street and set in the car.
I was not blindfolded but I was said to lean down low not to see the road we were going.
We drove to some building. I didn’t recognize it at night. I also could not orient in which district of town I was. It was much later when I found out where I spent many days and nights.
I was taken to the basement without my backpack.
The first thing I saw there was – cage. The same one that you could see in zoo.
To be more specific there was several cages.
One of cages was bigger than others and there were three men in it. Another one was much smaller. There was a woman.
I was taken to the female cage and the lock was shut.
Inside the cage there were double-decked beds. They are called “plank-bed”.
Automatically I set down on the lowest bed and looked at faces of people around.
Right in front of me, in the male cage, there were three men. Two young men in glasses, who looked unbelievably intelligent. The third one – was rather thick man of my age.
My cellmate was beautiful, very neat and tidy, and was telling to me something. Exclusively in polite manner. I think she was trying to calm me down. I don’t remember the sense of her words, I remembered just the intonations.
Everyone who was present there was trying their best to be calm not to shock me more. I remember I was grateful to them for this. Can’t remember whether we presented that night to each other, or were I asked about anything.
I still don’t know. I know only one thing for sure – I didn’t remember the names of people with whom I spent three and a half weeks. The longest three and a half weeks of my life.
Some long-timer told that we will “serve time” together now. Or somehow like that.
— What is “serve time”? — I was intrigued with a new word.
— «Stay in jail», — someone told me in a calm voice from the neighbor cage.
A little bit later the guardian came. He asked whether anyone need to go to toilet. He brought mattress for my new “bed”.
I laid down and turned to the wall. Shock.
Dirt. It’s too dirty around.
“Dirt – is my worst enemy. The dirt mainly can prevent me from being me”
Then I tried to calm myself down and gather with thoughts.
So, the first task – to be back to my normal condition. This experience is given to me in order to understand and find out something new. I should accept it and gain from it otherwise it won’t be me.
Don’t change, don’t panic, don’t fall into depression.
From the first moment I understood that it won’t be easy. All of my friends know that nothing was easy for me in this life. Never.
I won’t be lucky, miracle won’t happen, that is why I should put myself into “energy saving regime” to get through this (or not to get through).
What is important: I didn’t have feeling that “it’s not happening to me”, “this is a dream, I will wake up now” ….
On the contrary, I had clear mind on the fact that – this is my new reality.
I wish no one appears in a such situation. But if it happens I am giving you some advice from my own experience.
Try to make your thoughts “linear”. It is hard to explain but I’ll try.
Do not analyze everything. You don’t have basic data to make clear analysis. That is why you’ll “paint yourself into the corner” with dark thoughts and assumptions.
You should not follow any “corporate culture”. There is no need in this. Stay yourself till the end.
Think about your family that feels everything thousand times harder than you do. Their feelings are more important. They are suffering because of you now.
You should be morally prepared to the possible physical tortures. Even if it won’t happen. No “it can’t be”, “not with me” and “they won’t do this”. Be prepared to the fact that they will.
The last thing: one really very talented man (whom I will name but a little bit later) has made a lot to get me out of there. After my release he said one statement: “emotional licentiousness”.
What am I leading to, your main enemy is your emotions. Just push the button “delete emotions”.
You’ll not succeed for the first time but latter you will. Believe me.
I am very emotional person but I managed to do this.
If I managed for others it will be just a piece of cake.
To be continued…